Parents need to be parents, not friends- till the children are adults themselves.

They say don’t be a parent. Be a friend.  I don’t agree with this. We need to be parents. Children need parents…parents who give them a secure base, who give them warmth, comfort and  unconditional love; parents who also give them consistent structure, limits and boundaries which in turn help a child become a secure adult. They need to be the “Loving Authority”. Only parents can give this to their children. Not friends.

But yes, as parents we need to establish trust with our children. They should feel safe to open up to us.

We need to listen without judgment. Even if what they’re telling us is outrageous, we need to hold back….hold a loving space for them to open up safely.

And then we take time to respond…not react. Then we can give them a chance to think about what happened and why it happened. The experience itself would have taught them valuable lessons. We need to give them time process it and later when they’re ready and calmer, we can discuss about what we learnt.

Nirupama

PS: like Poornima Rao rightly said, “parents till they’re in college, friends when they get a job” 😁

This is so important coz especially in India, parents continue parenting even after the children are full grown adults 😄😅

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